By Daniel Dangaran
February 1, 2013
1. Two cups Emotional Labor.
When I walked in to my living room this past December for the first time since I left at the end of summer, Iwas greeted by my Mom?s tear-filled eyes.? I had prepared for this moment ? it happened a year before.? There?s nothing as effusive as the love my Mom exhibits in times of departure or reunion, coming in the form of an overflow of tears.? The Christmas tree was decorated in full, though my Dad told me on the drive over from the airport that they didn?t really get into the holiday spirit this year.? Of course he was bluffing.? I should have known my Mom would do all she could to make my time at home as special as possible.? Winter Break had only just commenced, but I could already see that my Mom would go above and beyond what she believes are her holiday responsibilities, and that there wasn?t anything I could do to stop her.
2. Three tbsp. Gender Norms
I came back home this year with a new pair of Gender Studies-educated eyes, pouncing at opportunities to analyze what I had understood for a long time to be the stifling, imbalanced relationship between my parents. When it comes to food, both have busy schedules, and so they often have difficulty dealing with the task of daily dinner preparation. After each comes home after a long day of work, it?s never clear who will take up the kitchen helm, and frustration inevitably ensues. Perhaps it is progressive that food preparation isn?t among the domestic duties that have fallen exclusively to my mother. Yet this is hardly an example of a modern partnership with deconstructed gender norms and liberated lives. Hochschild?s idea of the ?second shift? is firmly in place for my Mom. I have never seen my Dad do the laundry, and only rarely does he wash the dishes. My Mom goes to sleep around two hours later than my Dad because of the duties she has assumed around the house.? And if on the daily the role of household cook seems indeterminate, during the holidays it becomes all too clear.
My Mom multitasked on Christmas preparations, wrapping gifts while food baked in the oven.? Before wrapping gifts, she was the person responsible for buying them ? even the ones for the children of my Dad?s coworkers.? Food and gift-giving tend to merge over the holidays, since we celebrate Christmas and New Years? with our entire extended family. ?Reuniting at my Grandfather?s home, we feast on a potluck as generous as the gifts the children unwrap.? Because my Mom sees food as her gift to her parents and other beloved family members, she single-handedly prepares three or four dishes, eager to please and impress.
3. X bags of Toffee Graham Crackers, (enough for every adult relative)
My Mom discovered this recipe from a friend, and decided to try it herself: the ingredients were easy to get, they were addictively delicious, and they took just 15 minutes to make.? She made a batch for her coworkers, who thoroughly enjoyed it.? Riding that excitement, she thought to use them as a gift to my aunts and uncles.? So, alongside potato salad, breaded fried shrimp, 3 banana cream pies, dish of yams, and homemade sushi, she prepared individual bags of these toffee graham crackers.? Stress, sleep deprivation, and tears were not mentioned in the recipe.? It should also go unstated that one must watch the crackers vigilantly to ensure that they don?t burn.? Too often was I startled by the sound of my Mom stomping on the foot pedal of the garbage can, followed by the utterly depressing hiss of the graham crackers and foil sliding off the pan, and the smell of burnt sugar.? I found my Mom at one o?clock in the morning on the 24th, eyes irritated and drooping, hair slightly frazzled.? She stared at the bags yet to be filled by her crackers.? I told her to get some sleep ? I?d help her in the morning.? She insisted on finishing, wafting me away like my Dad?s cigarette smoke.? I gave her a hug ? a rare occurrence between us ? and felt her tears soak my shirt once more.
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Toffee Graham Crackers
1 box Diamond Bakery graham crackers (9.5 oz)
2 blocks butter or margarine, cut up
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup slivered almonds
Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line cookie sheet with foil (fold up sides if cookie sheet has no sides). Break crackers in half or leave whole. Lay flat on the foil. Combine butter and sugar in a heavy saucepan. Heat on medium heat until mixture bubbles, approximately 3 minutes. Spoon hot mixture over crackers, about half the mixture for each pan. Be sure to cover the tops of the crackers completely, using the back of the spoon or a pastry brush. The bottom will be covered as the butter will seep underneath. Use up all the butter sauce. Sprinkle top of crackers with 3-5 almond slivers. Bake 15 minutes or more.
Daniel Dangaran is a sophomore in Yale College. He is a contributing writer for Broad Recognition.
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